Lessons From a Caregiver
/As we age, statistics tell us we are likely to need care. I’ve seen that in my own family and know it will probably even happen to me someday. With my husband’s aunt, it was a slow realization that her memory was going. We knew she would get to the point where she was no longer safe to stay at home, so we had time to transition her to a facility where they could help with daily care. My father-in-law was a different story. A medical event meant he could not return home after a hospital stay, so family and dear friends rallied together to clean out his home and move him. Because our house was suitable and my husband could provide a fair amount of daily care, he moved into our home.
Between personal experiences and what I’ve seen clients go through, I’ve learned some lessons that I want to share.
First, be open to input from close family/friends when it’s time to make changes in things like driving, handling your finances and living at home. We don’t always see when we are slipping, so take it seriously when other express concern. I’ve made a commitment to listen to my daughter when she eventually has to address these things with me.
Second, don’t wait until there is a crisis to prepare a plan on who you will call and where you will go. Is your home set up for you to age in place no matter your ailment? Who will you call to provide daily care if you can’t be home alone? Where will you go if you can’t live at home? Who will clean out your home if you can’t? Create a plan to address all these questions, even going so far as to visit retirement communities and care facilities to make selections. Although there’s no specific age when one should prepare this plan, I suggest people address this by their mid-70s.
And finally, being a caregiver is really hard. Depending on the level of care that is needed, at a minimum the caregiver is devoting time, energy and perhaps money. Not everyone has that to give, and for those that do, caregiving can take a physical and mental toll on the caregiver that can last well beyond the caregiving period. Self-care is critical for the caregiver.
Every situation and family are different, but I hope you can glean some nuggets of wisdom from what I’ve learned so far.
- Juli Erhart-Graves, CFP®, Worley Erhart-Graves Financial Advisors
